A Slice of Calzona in Storybrooke
by laughsunshine
Summary: Created from this prompt on tumblr: Calzona end up in Storybrooke and see the weird sexual tension between Swan Queen. They decide to try and get them together.
1. Chapter 1

"We're not even on the map anymore Callie!" screamed Arizona, startling Sofia in the back. "I don't even think we're anywhere close to your sister's new house."

"You're going to scare the baby, just watch the road and look for a sign!" said Callie, reaching back to touch Sofia's leg and calm her down. "Maine is a very confusing state."

The two women searched for a sign of where they were and soon enough a giant "Storybrooke" sign appeared. They slowly made their way to town and parked near the only Inn in town, Granny's Inn.

"It's getting late. We're going to have to stay here overnight. I'll go get us a room," said Arizona, leaning over to kiss her wife before getting out of the car.

Callie turned around and spoke gently to Sofia. "Momma's gonna get us a room and we're going to stay here for a night. The town is kinda creepy though." Callie turned around and jumped back when she saw a face standing at the window. She quickly opened the door and hopped out.

"I hope I didn't give you a heart attack," said Emma apologetically. "I came over to see if you needed anything. Not many people stroll through. I'm the Sheriff here."

"Hello Sheriff…" said Callie, extending her hand to the officer.

"Swan. But you can call me Emma," said the blonde.

Callie opened up the back door and grabbed Sofia out of her carrier, placing the infant on her hip. "This is Sofia."

"Hello Sofia," said Emma, grabbing the baby's feet and wiggling them gently.

"I got us a room," said Arizona happily, bouncing back to her wife's side. "Replaced me already?"

"No," said Callie, placing a swift kiss on her wife's lips. "This is the Sheriff, Emma. She came to see if we needed any—" Callie was interrupted by a screaming brunette.

"How dare you tell my son that he could stay the night at your place this weekend?" yelled Regina, marching up the the blonde and pointing an accusatory finger at Emma's nose.

"Excuse me," said Emma, dragging the woman back towards her car. The two women were arguing incoherently.

"What's their problem?" asked Arizona, extending her hands to take Sofia.

"Not really sure. I can hear tidbits about the brunette's son…something something birth mother…something something custody," said Callie, handing over Sofia. "Looks like lesbian mommies to me."

Out of nowhere it seemed, Emma pushed the brunette towards the car and pinned her there. A few more words were screamed and an awkward pause ensued. Callie saw an odd, recognizable gleam in Regina's eyes. If Arizona didn't know better, she thought the two women were about to have sex right then and there. Emma moved back, brushed off the brunette's jacket lapels, and watched as the women parted ways.

"Sorry about that," muttered Emma.

"Who was that?" asked Arizona.

"The Mayor. Regina Mills. We have a common person and we disagree a lot about how that should be handled," said Emma, digging her hands into her pockets.

"So she's not your girlfriend?" asked Callie, a knowing smirk dancing across her lips.

"What? No. Gross. Are you kidding?" said Emma. "That's gross. She's just my kid's mother, that's all."

"Uh huh," muttered Callie and Arizona. Sofia giggled quietly, as if to agree with her mothers.

"Well I gotta go do my rounds through the neighborhoods. Maybe I'll catch you two later, perhaps at Granny's Diner?" said Emma, whisking away into her car.

"You thinking what I'm thinking?" asked Callie.

"A covert lesbian mission to hook up the Mayor and the Sheriff?" asked Arizona.

"I love you more each day," said Callie as she pressed a loving kiss on her wife's lips.


	2. Chapter 2

[A/N: This is post-Graham death, pre-August death]

The family of three had settled into the comfy hotel room.

"Sofia isn't the least bit sleepy. She might even be a little hungry. I think most of the cheerios we gave her ended up on the car floor rather than in her mouth," said Arizona, packing a small baby bag for Sofia. "I was thinking…we could swing by Granny's Diner. Get something to eat?"

"I could really go for a burger," said Callie hungrily. "Let's check it out."

The two women entered the diner and took a seat in a booth in the far back. A few people stared curiously as they placed Sofia into the baby seat.

"Why is everyone staring at us? Is it the lesbian thing?" whispered Callie. Arizona gave her an exasperated look.

"It's because no one ever visits," said a tall, thin waitress with red streaks in her hair. "I'm Ruby, can I take your drink order?"

"Hello Ruby," said Arizona. "I'm Arizona, and this is my wife Callie. And this little one is our daughter, Sofia." Arizona pinched Sofia's cheeks playfully, Sofia giggling in response. "I'll take a glass of water. Callie will take a glass of red wine, if you have it. And Sofia here likes milk." Arizona flashed her super magic smile.

"Coming right up," said Ruby with a huge smile.

Arizona sniffed something not quite so nice. "Sofia needs to be changed. I'll be right back."

"Okay," said Callie, taking the alone time to observe the tiny diner. There was a scruffy man in a leather jacket who had a typewriter in front of him. There was a slightly redheaded man speaking with an elderly gentleman towards the front of the diner. A short, angry intoxicated man was sitting at the bar, next to another short man who seemed to sneeze a lot. Callie found these people eerily familiar; she just couldn't shake the feeling that something was off about this town.

"That was a big one," said Arizona happily, setting Sofia back in the baby seat. Arizona appreciated the byproducts of their baby having a fully developed, healthy digestive system.

"Don't you find this place a little…unsettling?" asked Callie.

"Calliope. This small town is nice. It feels like my hometown," said Arizona.

"Here are your drinks. You guys know what you want to eat?" asked Ruby, whipping out a pen and paper.

"We'll both have the burger special, with everything on it. And the little one here will take a kid's grilled cheese, with applesauce," said Callie. "Thank you."

"No problem," said Ruby, before sauntering away to the elderly woman behind the bar.

"Must be Granny," said Callie curiously. "Seriously Arizona. Doesn't everyone look like a character from a fairly tale or something?"

"I think you might need to take a break from reading to Sofia at night," said Arizona with a small giggle.

The door opened and Emma walked on through towards the bar. She held up two fingers and Ruby brought her two alcoholic drinks. Emma scarfed one down and held the other while looking around the diner. She spotted the family of three and smiled.

"Hey, you came," said Emma. "May I join you?"

Arizona scooted over and patted the seat next to her. "Have a seat."

"Any particular reason you're having two scotches?" asked Callie.

Emma groaned. "Just more Regina stuff."

"This Mayor seems to really get your panties in a bunch," muttered Arizona.

"Like in a good way," said Callie, smiling largely.

Emma just looked at Callie, then Arizona. Then Emma scarfed down the other scotch. "Maybe."

"Foods here," said Ruby, settling down the plates to each person. "Want any food Lemur?"

Emma giggled. "No thank you Ruby, maybe a glass of whatever Callie is drinking."

"Sure thing," said Ruby, smiling. "Anything else ladies?"

"I think we're good," said Arizona, digging into her fries like a child in a candy store.

Callie started breaking Sofia's food into slightly smaller pieces. "So Regina is single?"

"Yes. No, well yes. But why does that matter?" asked Emma, attempting to steal a fry off Callie's plate to no avail.

"Oh come on," said Arizona, her mouth full of French fries. "You really don't sense the sexual chemistry between you two?"

"We thought you two were going to go at in against the cop car when we first saw you," said Callie, picking up her burger.

Ruby placed a glass of wine on the table before whisking away to a new customer walking in. The customer was a female with short, black hair. She carried herself gracefully and dressed modestly. Callie noticed that she kept looking out the window at a very handsome man outside.

Callie returned her attention to Emma. "Well?"

Emma gulped down half the glass. "I don't really know what to make of it. She makes me so angry I could punch her. But there's always a little tiny spark of something. No one has ever made me feel as much as she has. Good or bad. And I was a foster kid."

Arizona smirked, her dimples making Callie melt. Callie moved her foot underneath the table to slide it up Arizona's legs. "I think that's a good sign," said Arizona.

"What is that?" said Emma, looking underneath to find Callie's feet touching her legs.

"Sorry, sorry," muttered Callie, clearly embarrassed. "That was meant for my wife."

"No harm, no foul," said Emma, smiling. "Look. I don't know how long you two are in town, but there's a small festival in town square tomorrow if you'd like to check out our not-so-sleepy little town."

"Yeah that would be awesome," said Callie, wiping Sofia's mouth."

"We'll think about it," said Arizona. "We're supposed to be visiting Callie's sister."

"Well I'll see you two around, maybe?" said Emma, gulping her last little bit of wine. "I'm heading to bed."

Emma walked to the front of the diner, said something to the woman with the dark, cropped hair, and strolled out down the street.

"She hair is kind of fairytale like," said Arizona.

"I didn't mean it! It was an accident," said Callie, reaching for her wife's hand.

"I'm not talking about that. The people around here do seem…peculiar," said Arizona. "What if we spend a couple days here and then headed to your sister's?"

"I would like that," said Callie. "We are the perfect, advice-giving couple after all."

Sofia began to whimper.

"Someone's tired. Time to go home," said Arizona, picking up the little girl and rocking her back and forth.

Callie pulled out some cash and left it on the table.

"Goodnight ladies!" said Ruby as the couple left the diner.


End file.
